Trust is hard to earn and easy to lose. It is a patiently negotiated contract, patiently enacted and unfolded into subtle corners of a relationship, running through scenarios, practically, an applied science.
Whether or not it is given until lost or hard earned, trust means something only once exercised. 'I trust you' is not a promise or a feeling, it is an action, whereby we put ourselves at risk of losing our balance.
As we trust the other, we become trustworthy even faster than by keeping our promises; our vulnerability voids the need for an armour.
The leaning involved in trust requires the other to balance the act; they will be tripped up if we change our bearings. If each plays the part, both find their balance again on the other side of the deed.
The accumulation of trusting actions deepens and weaves a mutual reliance; the relationship becomes a part of us, and us a part of it.
In the search for what actually serves us, we learn to distinguish what looks the part from what actually gets us closer to our real purpose.
Embracing our worth in our relationship to the world ignites authentic connections, which through consistent and continuously refined nurturing become a source of endless guidance and support.
Trust is not due to anyone however kind or shiny - including our self -, whatever the stakes.
Circumstances often draw a picture in which we ought to make things happen at a great cost, or take a great risk to achieve something not all that worthwhile.
That picture is an optical illusion, an angle on reality which may be convincing but doesn’t stand the test of us taking time or height.
The even keel, the self-respecting or self-caring act is always a better option.
Our idea of how it should work is, like any other expectation, a recipe for disappointment.
When we offer something to nurture a relationship, we plant a seed that may or not take, and what we see happen in return tends to be anything but what we had foreseen.
It doesn’t have to be a problem; there is beauty in everything. It is on us to see the merits of this reality.
By definition, trust is given, not taken. If we are to obtain someone’s trust, we have to work at it, be trustworthy, be trusting, create opportunities for mutual reliance.
These are found in the small, consistent gestures. Expecting trust on grand endeavours calls for resistance, distrust, rejection.
Repeated, predictable work at the relationship on the other hand opens the door. It feels safe to assume only someone who cares will have the persistence.
Display of superiority and actions enabling domination or control invite submission or resistance, not trust.
By the same token, the others ability to harm us will keep our guard up.
Trust is possible on any even keel - when both parties have equal opportunity to open up and protect themselves - but it is only as deep as the likelihood of harm is low.
We can’t quite trust someone to act against their own nature and best interest.
Reasons to distrust include defensiveness, secrecy, invulnerability, inconsistency, and competition… All of which cannot coexist with the intention to build trust.
When we undo these reasons purposefully, even if gradually, we demonstrate commitment to building trust. Then our strength becomes an asset to the relationship rather than a threat.
Trust builds, deepens and weaves into a sacred connection.
Free & bare participation in a relationship implies mutual acceptance, direct access to the unadorned soul.
From seeing another soul, we have access to the meaning of it all; love, pain, change, diversity, doubt, the intertwined and universal nature of life.
Great Taming
The taming power of the Great
Raising great beasts
Major restraint