Choosing the first option that presents itself is not an actual choice. As much as it is going with the flow and adaptable, the nature of choice requires examining alternatives and adhering to selection criteria.
What actually matters? What are the consequences of this decision? What does this avenue say about who we are?
Many choices are personal and do not require third party agreement, but when it comes to relationships - romantic, business or otherwise - there are terms to be discussed, eyes to see to, values to share, pictures to paint, and balance to find.
The choosing then is not a yes or no, it is a process, a consideration that weighs options, not only among alternatives but inside each possibility.
It is a shaping of desires & expectations, an aiming, a commitment of ourself to a common vision.
The abundance of options teaches us that choice is also - mainly? - discarding all the alternatives.
While the weighing can send us on a spin, it isn't a reason to not consider options, rather an invitation to get a feel, get inputs, get inspired, until we find something that makes a real difference and changes us.
Then we still have to be on our own side, step up to the invitation and not turn around in fear.
The same choices will lend us in the same position. If we are to make a change, we need to look at our options in new ways, find new criteria to decide on, and act like we have exhausted the old ways.
By the same token, we can’t force new ways into old mindsets without encountering some resistance. A key to new choices lies in the likelihood of adoption this change, welcome and understand its merits.
Initial successes and instant affinity are promises, they may afford a bright unfolding, but nothing is done, and no one knows yet how they compare to other options. Celebrating early can ruin the unfolding or miss out on other opportunities. The time is to take in what was earnt and explore further.
Options may be few or many, the exercise of weighing them can be endless.
Consideration is not about not deciding, it's about making informed decisions. In the process, we reach a threshold, when not deciding is a worse choice than any of the remaining contending options.
At that point, paralysis looms, and instead of being a prudent and creative approach, consideration turns into a crippling state of being, action is confused and painful, and others rightfully get impatient.
As we learn discernment, the cons become easier to zoom into, the reasons ‘not to’ grow crisper.
Experience and the insights we pick up on the way accumulate criteria we must match, signs we must be wary of, and we swiftly discard options without weighing the pros. We land up optionless, caught in a conundrum whereby choosing is settling.
Our grace lies in revisiting our yardstick, getting a vision for a choice we can live with, which we will grow into and from, rather than succumb to the ‘not enoughs’ of the world.
The purpose of consideration is to sharpen our judgement, as in our observance and appreciation skills.
When we know what is available in all its various rarity, finesse, and delightfulness, we become able to protect what is precious, give it our full care and attention, and ensure we don’t let it waste.
Consideration deepens our capacity for enjoyment, it deepens our connection to life, aka to the divine.
There is luxury in considering options, testing the waters, affording ourselves choice.
As much as we can explore and make a decision, we compromise the quality of that choice if we come from a place of superiority over those considered, defensiveness against commitment, or a stubborn attitude as to what is satisfactory or not.
This doesn't mean settling, letting go of exacting standards. It just means protecting the ability to choose for the right reasons.
Coupling
Coming to meet
Dissipation
Providing