All territories are defined by the geography of their surface, their resources and their boundaries, and so it is of our identity. The territory we inhabit, those traits and experience as well as where we stop, what we are not, make us who we are.
If we are to interact healthily with the world, limits are not only to be acknowledged and respected, they also are to be transcended, opened, made into connecting lines.
As such, they are not the final word, a state of affairs immutable and oppressive.
Rather, they are invitations to grow, love, trust, explore, create, exchange with the due understanding that what or who we interact with also has limits and also seeks connection.
The appeal of genuine connection brings us to put our energies toward togetherness.
Soon enough our evident lack of control over others and our relationships prompts us to learn our way, by trial and error, because there is no text book, and when we accept that our way through changes as inevitably as everything else, we let our selves go with the flow.
Then as we think we got this, something new takes away the comfort of knowing.
Isolation is no cure for loneliness. Yet painful experiences, the guilt and shame they hold, tell us we are unfit for company, that our darkness is repellent.
When we believe this lie, we drown into further darkness, because it is connection that can bring in light, wash away our pain, show us how these experience make us human, and what we can learn from them.
Our rejection of others is a rejection of our self, a punishment we impose on our wounded heart, it adds insult to the injury.
We need to be on our own side. The demands of life are impossible to keep up with, not all of them at once.
Maybe a good deal seems unreasonable to miss, or a chancer wants to abuse our predicament, and we find ourselves on a mission that takes over our life. This fight is our downfall, it drives us away from our purpose, depletes our resources and offers no reward.
At first sight, it may seem we’re a doormat or a fool for letting go, but our sanity and freedom in the long run are worth infinitely more than this pickle takes away.
One of the biggest trap we can fall into is assuming things can’t or won’t change, that there is a single reality we have no control over and traps us.
We indeed cannot change reality, but we can change how we look at it, where we fit in, and what we contribute to it.
When we confuse our powerlessness to define reality with oppression by that reality, we disconnect from our life purpose, our people, and we are ungrateful to what is available to us, our options, our support.
An integral part of trying lies in confidence we’re getting somewhere before we know we are.
That self-trust, that faith in our potential and ability to grow and adjust, has a wildly different texture to 'trying to look the part' before we are ready. There is no pretence in it, only candour and presence, and a purposeful disregard for fear.
Pretence weighs on us, it keeps us trapped, deprives us of connection and room to learn.
Reaching our limit brings us to a standstill, excruciating paralysis, powerlessness, and confusion.
Suddenly the track we’re following seems to surrounds us and there is nowhere to go. The demands on us are oppressive, walking on our heads with our hands tied would be easier.
In this state of affairs, deep down, we have chosen to believe we are truly expected to meet those demands or die.
Letting go of that belief and focusing on what we actually can do, even if we don’t know where it leads us, will bring us relief and gently sets us in motion again.
Past hinderances, failures, disappointments and challenges stay to haunt us.
They teach us caution and show us how to recognise the traps. If we take in the lesson, we become street-wise, if not, we come to see the world as hostile and full of landmines.
Then trying feels like playing Russian roulette, we can’t win.
But, if we remember we’ve survived and know we did land on our feet eventually, we see the merit in keeping moving.
Confined
Oppression (exhaustion)
Exhaustion