We are not 'belonged'; Our sense of belonging does not emerge from the welcoming of others, their love and care, their labels or their assignments.
We belong when we identify and participate in a community: when we put our energy at the service of the community, live by its code, define our self by its values, fly its flag in our endeavours.
Belonging has a centre, a connector, may it be a place, a purpose, a person or a time. Claiming the identity means being connected to that centre, one way or another, whether we are reminded or pledge allegiance.
In the centre, the code and boundaries are clear, there is an inside and an outside, a right and a wrong, a loyal and a disloyal. When we choose to belong, we choose to abide.
From the centre, in connection to our clan, we make and redefine the rules.
Life runs its course without our interference, leaving us to choose something to care and nurture, something to show up to as our connection to the whole.
Our personal ties to a clan, a community, a family, shape what we have to offer, help us claim our essence. When we let our beauty shine, we find our place and contribute our part to our clan’s achievements.
A place to belong to rarely needs us - specifically us - to survive and thrive.
Of course there are key players, and of course, if all disengage there is no clan left. The point is that a group is larger than the individual; It is formed for the purpose of resilience, for each one as well as for the whole.
With that in mind, the group trumps the person, abiding the group’s law is how to stay in, and challenging the rule actually challenges the essence of the group.
Connection is the agenda, keeping the centre a live, nurturing the bond.
We may miss the power in here, the challenge, want things more complicated or conquering, look for the loophole, hope it would now take care of itself.
Yet the true worth of the community is in the heart of those who care for it, who care for it and keep it healthy and warm.
Belonging comes with perks; legacy, support, reputation and a code to go by and claim in our dealings.
These privileges are of those things in life we can’t quite have enough or let go of. Follows that, with our commitment with our tribe arise the demands of privilege, an expectation that all in the clan work tediously at building the tribe up.
These demands not only question the belonging for all, they also, particularly when unfulfilled, damage the net worth of the tribe.
The premise for the social contract is the merit of association; synergy, complementarity, collaboration - by coordinating efforts, we can do more and better.
Fear, pride or greed may urge us to protect our interest first, our individual, instant interest. But where we can get to on our own is much less exotic and tangible than what a loyal pack can muster.
Creating value for the group is an investment, it takes away our resources, so as to grow them into overall comfort and achievement much larger than any solitary deed.
Belonging is not about being chosen, it is about choosing our people, and entering that “home” by participating, contributing, caring for our space.
We can only belong if we inhabit our own home, our heart, our life. In chasing after another home and demanding that space be made for us, we desert our own home.
In occupying the space we become the home, part of it, an extension.
Authority comes with blazons, etiquette, and decorum - to achieve clarity, emotional connection and often enough, pretence.
True power is commending all on its own. It radiates from inner strength, ie. the solid understanding of our place in the world. What we are worth is not measured by comparison to others but towards a collective outcome.
Earnest dedication to this purpose and concern for our effective contribution will impress more than any attempt at looking the part.
People in the Home
The Family (the Clan)
Family members